Searching for joy and happiness is an elusive and ever-changing goal for most people. All people are different, so it’s impossible to write one-size-fits-all prescriptions for human happiness. Reward an extrovert with a night on the town and you will probably get a different reaction than when you give the same gift to a super-introverted person.
But, humans are also alike in many ways. And in our similarities, we can find some truths. The kind of knowledge that stands the test of time is the kind that targets these commonalities among us. The wisest among us have known the destructive nature of jealousy and envy since the time of Socrates.
President Theodore Roosevelt said it best, “comparison is the thief of joy.”
I enjoy writing about thieves, but not those who steal our happiness. So how do we shed our desire to compare ourselves to others?
Acknowledge Your Own Story
No other human being has ever had the exact same life as you. They have not thought the thoughts you have, dreamed your dreams, ate the same meals, and had the same experiences. Each of us start from a different “place” as well. For example, a healthy human born to a loving billionaire in an advanced western country is running a different race than an orphan being raised penniless in a war-torn country. So any type of comparison to another human is just like comparing apples to oranges.
What if you recognize the fruitless mental exercise of comparing yourself to others, but you now have a mental void where that brain activity used to be. In other words,
If you recognize comparing ourselves to other people is an apples to oranges comparison, then it becomes a fruitless mental exercise. This realization may stop some people from comparing themselves to their neighbors.
But what if you still can’t break this destructive mental practice?
Focus On Your Toughest Comparison
If you need to make comparisons, you should do it against your toughest, and ONLY competition on this planet. Yourself.
Again, we are all running our own race. So, I can’t compare my race to the orphans ace or the billionaire’s race, but I can compare myself to myself. I can compare how I’m running my race today versus how I ran my race yesterday. Not only can you make this comparison, you should.
Find Improvement Metrics That matter To You
Find those (healthy) areas of your life that you want to improve, and get better at those things. Every day. Focus only on your metrics. Don’t let the masses make these decisions for you.
Find the areas YOU want to improve: parenting,writing, cooking, being a better manager, public speaker, executive coach, etc
Whatever metrics are most important to you, find them, document these areas, and then track them.
The Stoics would tell us that journaling is a great way to improve in these areas. Epictetus wisely said, “I will keep constant watch over myself and — most usefully — will put each day up for review. For this is what makes us evil — that none of us looks back upon our own lives. We reflect upon only that which we are about to do.”
So, write down the areas you want to improve upon, set your goals, and then put your daily race up for review. Every day. Rinse and repeat.